Bittersweet Memories

You turn me off at the push of a button
And you pretend that I don't mean nothing
I'm not a Saint that's easy to tell
But guess what honey you ain't no angel
You like to scream, use words as a weapon
Go ahead take your best shot woman
I wanna leave that's easy to see
But guess what honey it's not that easy
We get so complicated
These fingers full of memories
So rip my pictures from your wall
Tear them down and burn them all
Light the fire and walk away
There's nothing left to say so
Take the ashes from the floor
Bury them to just make sure
That nothing more is left of me
Just bittersweet memories

[safety]

it is not something that i am used to feeling.
but i feel it right here with him.
he is my shield, my protector, and my heart
and i am fully his
<3 <3 <3

Nightmares & Dreams

Birthday pictures.

Just keeps getting better...

So another thing I love about this relationship is that we don't try to change each other. I like him for him, every part of him... the awesome, goofy, violent, crazy, dark and evil person that he is. He seriously makes me smile like no other. So, when he decides to do a bunch of gestures when I'm trying to take a picture, what do I get? An actual captured moment instead of just another pose. He is truly one of a kind and all mine.

<3

My Addiction

My source of smiles, laughter, joy, happiness, and comfort. My severe addiction, drug of choice.

Can we keep her?!?!?!

Fera!!! OMG my new friend Fera is so full of awesome and pure win. She fits right in to our group and knows how to crack us up! We only pick on you cuz you're a noob and we love you... but you're our noob. :D

Neko Night!

My Aponibaby worked the other night at this neko party thing... I got all neko for the first time in forever! Not only that, I was in pink! :O
I know right? Weird. Anyways.... picture!

My Aponibaby K3

Through thick and thin this girl right here is always there for me. Granted we have very few thin moments. We are almost always all up in each others business and we like it that way. It's how we function and I don't see how I'd be sane without her. She's my twinbrain and my strength. I love her so effin much it's crazy. From our late night discussions of god knows what to our heart to hearts of emotional shittyness. I'm always there for you just like I know you're always there for me! No matter what! K3


[00:26] Aponi Rae: i'm not gonna lie
[00:26] Aponi Rae: i'm not gonna be a lady
[00:26] Aponi Rae: behind the ship i'll show you my dark secret
[00:27] Aponi Rae: lilly be my lover, ya my lover!
[00:27] You: Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf
[00:27] You: Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf
[00:27] Aponi Rae: xD
[00:27] You: I LOVE YOU
[00:27] You: yayyyy
[00:27] Aponi Rae: rofl xD
[00:27] Aponi Rae: I LOVE YOU TOO XD

[00:28] You: ya know... you are the most stable relationship i've had in here. xD underneath iron and tanner. you really are mine!! :D
[00:28] Aponi Rae: and you're mine :P
[00:28] Aponi Rae: it's probably ya know
[00:28] Aponi Rae: i'm a stablish perso
[00:28] Aponi Rae: person*
[00:29] Aponi Rae: who can't type
[00:29] Aponi Rae: or spell
[00:29] Aponi Rae: xD
[00:29] You: nope
[00:29] You: but i fulfill that part of you! lmao

(just a few chat quotes from our talks. this doesn't even begin to cover it. i'll keep the rest to myself)

I will follow you into the darkness

Fear

Yes. Mabbe. No!

Broken...

but not beyond repair.

tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air...

A bit of RL

A little change of pace. I have really been missing going out in the real world and taking pictures lately. This is one that I took last year and I was just playing around with editing while watching the Real World and My Life as Liz. Anyways, not the point. Here's the picture... it's from one of my favorite spots where i live, across the river is my hometown. The quote is kinda fitting.

When everything is made to be broken....

I just want you to know who I am.

Fire starters!

For Klaatu

I'll be alright without you

It has been an interesting week to say the least. I have had my world... SL and RL turned upside down and left to pick up the pieces myself. Thanks to those who have been there for me.. you know who you are. I was so lost, or so I thought. It's not fun having what you think and believe to be something so stable and a constant in your life ripped away suddenly. Sadly, my suspicions were confirmed and so this week full of deceit, lies, anger and resentment is gone. I am done with it and moving forward and burning bridges... hypothetically of course.

'It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime so let me say this before we part...So much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart, now whatever way our stories end know you have rewritten mine by being my friend'

'Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better. But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.'

Klaatu...

This man has been... a pain in my ass, a friend when I needed one, a sounding board, and someone who just really gets what I'm going through with certain things. He always is willing to offer advice and I believe he truly cares.... most of the time, other times I'm not so sure. Anyways, I finally got him into my picks on my profile after all this time and wanted to share the pics I did of us. That is all. xoxox

So, I went a little pic happy today

It was a "snow day" and I got to spend the whole day with Zack. It was nice. :D

Plus, he actually sat still long enough to take pictures. This is very rare.

Claimed!

Mine...

Wow, I have been slacking....

And I have changed my look a little... just a quick profile snapshot. More picture posts to follow!

Adventuretime with Aponibaby!

My friend/SL Roomie/twin and I went on an adventure around Lionheart, where we have our group land. We decided to ride the wolves around, because, well, that's what true pirates do. We documented our travels and here is a bit of the proof! It was a fun afternoon. I love her. Oh! and that's Izzy Kay on my shoulder, and she has her kitty on her shoulder.

Roots

I may not always know where I am going, but I do know where I am from.

Project Positivity: Positively Me

This is something that I have seen several people do around blogs and plurk. I thought it would be a good idea to TRY to do it. Then one of my really close friends said that he thought it was a 'good idea' and i KNEW that I pretty much had to do it. This was a bit difficult for me, but I am proud of the way it turned out. So here it is, my part of the Project Positivity. (info can be found here: Project Positivity )

Positively me:

1. I am a kind-hearted person

2. I am open minded

3. I am funny

4. I am smart

5. When I love, I love with all I am

6. I am a really good listener

7. I appreciate the small things in life and don't take things for granted

8. I am curious, always learning

9. I find beauty in things that some people wouldn't

10. I am generally a happy person

I was exploring SL with my awesome friend Ehl and we stumbled on this place. I fell in love with it instantly. Since this was a crossover challenge of SL and RL I tried to make sure there was a little more RL in it than just my list of 10 positive things. This place had open fields and train tracks with train cars on it, a water tower, hay bales and a farm type house. This reminded me so much of where I grew up, so it brought out the country girl in me (note the boots).

So, this is it. Positively me.

PersonalDNA

S

Animated Experiencer

Supposedly this is my Personal DNA. My personality. Some of these, I think are true. Would love to hear what y'all think tho! Especially those closest to me! Here is what it said.

about you

you are an experiencer

Your inquisitive nature, imagination, and hands-on practicality make you an EXPERIENCER

Although you have an active imagination, you also concern yourself with the functional elements of things.

You are willing to experiment to find things that work the most efficiently.

Getting stuck in certain habits is boring to you—you'd rather find new experiences.

Accordingly, experiences are more important to you than objects—you'd rather spend your money and energy on events and adventures than on material things.

You like to contemplate a lot of options before making a decision, and you're willing and able to consider a lot of different angles to problems.

You're open to suggestions, and often rely on others to assess the merit of those suggestions.

You have an ability to see the big picture—not just how things are, but how they could be—in a variety of situations.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time. how you relate to others you are animated You are outgoing, comfortable with others, and up for anything, which makes you ANIMATED. Some people find crowds and parties exhausting, but not you! You are able to be yourself in many situations. Sometimes it is hard for you to understand why others feel the way they do, but that doesn't stop you from trusting them or having faith that they are good people. You know the world is complicated and that there is often more than one side to a story, so you are careful not to make judgments about others too hastily. You would rather experience the world than sit back and observe it—you are not one to sit on the sidelines. You are an independent thinker and don't get too worried about how others might perceive you—you are not self-conscious about being the active, engaged person that you are. Although you have a keen understanding of different people's life circumstances, you occasionally have trouble seeing why people get so upset and emotional about things—they should just lighten up and have fun! In addition to having faith in the world, you have faith in the people around you—you trust others to do the right thing and to be honest.

My personalDNA Report

Naughty Tuesday!

My friend Marv did these pictures for me.

Was a completely innocent photo shoot.

Cuz, ya know... I'm not naughty... at all.

Ready for school!

Now I just need a teacher

School

I'm ready for this!

Closer

Until the next Junction

I found out that there is this place in SL where you can go get a candle and launch it in memory of a certain someone. You can choose the color of the candle, what to name it, and then launch it. I launched a black candle and named it 'scum' for my friend that passed away on New Years. The memorial was all day today. There were non-stop live performances from 7 AM -till. I didn't go until later after I got off of work at 8, but from what i heard, the venue was packed all day. There was a donation box to help his family in RL. This man was so warm, and so loving, there were so many people there for him. Not only that, t

he performers volunteered their time to do this. Everyone loved him. Anyway, at the memorial someone told us all about this place that you could do the candle thing. So I, still upset and all emotional and stuff from the memorial, took a few pics of me launching the candle and watching it float away. So this one's for you scum. "until the next junction"

How do you cope?

Let me begin by saying that everything happens for a reason, and that there are just some things that can't be helped. While this may not make things better at the time, in the long run, this is something that should be remembered.

We all come on to SL and relationships begin to build, be it they be a friendship, a love, or something that would be close to family. I am one who believes that the relationships you make over SL, or anything similar, are real. They are true because of the emotions and the feelings. With that said, when I care for someone, it runs deep. I appreciate the people that I have met, they have influenced my life in some way, form, or fashion and I hope that continues.

Now to one of the points of this post. When you meet someone, and a bond starts to form, then you lose that bond over time, because of different paths or RLs being too busy or whatever, how do you deal with it? Do you just move on from that person or do you run to them with open arms when they come back? This is something I am dealing with with someone very important to me and it is something one of my friends and I discussed the other night. It seems we are going through similar situations and it just made me wonder what others do. If it's a friend, it's sad, but it's not as difficult, I wouldn't think, as if it's a boyfriend/girlfriend or a partner. What do you do then? Do you just stay in the relationship? Do you cheat? I mean really? How do you deal with it? Especially if you don't talk much outside of SL... I don't know maybe it's just me.

The main point of this blog was the title. How do you cope? How do you cope when you find out that one of your good friends, one that you may or may not have lost touch with, but knew that you were still just as close, has passed away. Dealing with things like this has not been my strongest suit since I have had some pretty traumatic things happen in RL. But it's just a difficult and sad time right now and I just wanted to get some of this stuff off of my mind and into blog form.

Also, I wanted to thank all of my friends who have been there for me. You know who you are. It means the world to me, and more. I'm very blessed to have such a great group of friends. Love you all.

**And that's one thing that my friends passing has reminded me of. We need to make sure that those we love know exactly how much we love them. Don't take one day for granted.**

R.I.P Scum, you will be missed dearly.